This Morning Governor Gretchen Whitmer made official declaration that school closures would remain in effect for the rest of the school year. Although many had an indication this was coming some of you may have elected to hold off talking to your kids about it, whereas others, because of your kids’ ages were getting the information—even ahead of you—from social media and peers. Regardless, its likely both parents and children are each experiencing a variety of emotions about it and at a loss about where to proceed. Here are some tips to talk to your kids about the early end to the school year.
- Be Honest
- Give information you know to be accurate.
- If you don’t have current or accurate information assure your children it is a priority of yours to get it and that it could take time but you will relay what you learn to them as it comes or when it is appropriate.
- Ask your child what they already know or suspect and then clarify any misinformation.
- Be Available
- Give your child an opportunity to ask questions but do not feel compelled to have to give immediate answers. Too much information can heighten anxiety and cause more uncertainty.
- Slow the process down by writing down each question. Have either you or your child create a list of questions. Slowing down allows you to have a conversation about the emotions underlying the questions
- Assure your child their questions are important and meaningful and therefore you may take time to find thorough and correct answers by talking with the other parent, parents of friends, a therapist or school personnel.
- Make empathic statements about their questions, “I can see this has been worrying you,” “This concern makes sense,” and “Of course you are disappointed.” would be ways to convey understanding.
- Give encouragement and positive affirmation. “I can tell your friends and your education is important to you.”
- Have your child review their list and rank their concerns in order of priority or importance to them. Ask them if they know any of the answers to their questions or if they have any wishes or hopes that the answers would be. This will help you to understand their feelings as well as to come up with creative solutions to the things that are the most meaningful to them.
- Brainstorm Solutions Together
- Now that roles and routines are changing brainstorm together as a family what each of you will need to accomplish your work, home and school goals. Use the familiar “who, what, where, when, and why” as frame work for considering what each family member’s needs for space, time, tools, resources, adult supervision, etc. will be. When brainstorming first have fun, let every family member make suggestions without judgment. Then widdle down your ideas to the solutions that will work and give it a try. Set a troubleshooting meeting for few days or week to revisit the plan and make adjustments as necessary.
- Set reasonable expectations
- You, nor your children, are doing anything “wrong” if there is difficulty adjusting to the many new roles and responsibilities. Working outside the home, working from home, stay home parenting, and teaching are different jobs that were not meant to be done at the same time. For your child, navigating your expectations and rules, as well as their teachers’ and school’s and the social rules amongst peers got to be divvied up and now is all focused in one avenue. Neither you nor they have to be good at everything as you go through this. This isn’t simply school or work as usual. This is a crisis and its ok to be imperfect.
- Offset the overwhelming negative experiences with lots of positive and encouragement for prosocial behavior like good communication and sharing, attempts at focus, clever ideas and compromise. No one is getting the kudos from their outside sources now like bosses, friends, or teachers so you’ll have to do it for each other.
- Grieve and let grieve
- Expect a variety of emotions. Anxiety, uncertainty, panic, anger, sadness, disappointment, resentment, frustration. The overarching experience many are having is grief. Each person has lost something of value to them. Independence, practice for performances or presentations that will not go on, a job they love, dreams or wishes for magical prom nights or graduation parties, time with friends, etc. Be sensitive that each person shows grief in different ways and what seems like a small loss to one person may have big meaning to some one else.