What is worse than finding out you’ve been cheated on? Being looked straight in the eye and told it didn’t happen. Secret infidelity has many different manifestations (physical, emotional, exclusively online, etc.) and the boundaries are unique for every coupleship. But nearly all breaches of fidelity have one thing in common: they are secrets – and for good reason. A person who is secretly violating fidelity works to avoid the negative consequences they anticipate would unfold if their partner knew what was going on behind closed doors, on business trips, or while their partner was sleeping. If we take a closer look at the nature of these secrets, we realize how they create significant inequity in committed relationships. When a cheated partner has been restrained from knowing essential information about their own relational reality, they cannot accurately assess their own safety and wellbeing; their agency and ability to consent becomes compromised. When power and control are used to keep one’s intimate partner in the dark, it’s more than just betrayal… it’s betrayal violence.

In this 3 hour CE training, participants will examine a non-pathologizing approach to the conduct of secret infidelity and the power-and-control dynamic that emerges in intimate partnerships as a result. With new terminology and current research supporting this framework, clinicians will acquire fresh articulation of the barriers to equity in committed relationships caused by the deception, persuasion, and exploitation that so often accompanies secret fidelity violating behavior. Clinicians will understand the response-based and trauma-informed lens that clarifies the trust and intimacy problems so many couples and individuals are facing today.

There will be be an opportunity to consult with Hope Ray regarding client cases related to infidelity in the last portion of the training. Each case consultation will be allotted 10-15 minutes and should follow the following format:

• 3-minute description of the case
• 2-3 questions about the case for presenter feedback and group discussion.

Hope Ray, LPC, CSAT, CHFP, CCPS is the founder of Betrayal Violence Institute and the creator of Complex Partner Trauma Magazine, a publication for women who have experienced betrayal violence. Hope has a Michigan-based private practice where she specializes in 3-day intensive therapy for couples working to rebuild after infidelity.

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